#1 at making #2!

I do most of my best thinking in the men’s room. That’s where I came up with these. They really belong in my little camouflaged book, which is simply and aptly entitled “Gonzo Guide to Social Terrorism” however, I haven’t the time to transcribe them. Besides, if I type it out, my co-workers will at least think I’m busy and leave me the fuck alone.

-Exit stall, stomp foot violently. Exclaim, “Boy, I was in there so long my foot fell asleep.” It plays much better if there is an audience in there.

-Upon noticing someone is using a cell phone in the restroom, begin flushing as many toilets as possible. The person on the other end of the conversation should know they are second seat (excuse the pun).

-Enter a vacant stall and start urinating under the divider towards an occupied stall. When they inquire as to what the hell you’re doing, reply with, “My bad.” but keep on peeing in their general direction. Monty Python fans may wish to use, “I pee in your general direction.”

-Wait for the person in the stall to exit. With your hands drenched after washing them (or peeing on them if you’re that sick) flick the liquid of your choice on them as they egress. You’ve got a good chance of getting away on this one as they’re going to want to wash their hands before giving chase. If they do end up following you out the door just yell, to everyone, “That sick bastard didn’t wash his hands!” With wet marks all over their front side they’ll most likely want to hide in shame.

Have fun,
-Sherb