Sherb Land: June 2006

THE SHERBTASTICS

Hunter S. Thompson
Oscar Zeta Acosta
Johnny Knoxville
Arlo: My partner in crime.
Flaco: Currently on probation until his whereabouts can be confirmed.
The Chairman: For his useful insights into life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Plus, all it takes to be a decent person in his book is not to have sex with animals.
The Princess: For being able to retire at the ripe old age of 27.
Arlo’s father: For his simple declaration, “Gardening, such a waste of time.”
Free Mexican Air Force
The Man Cape
D.B. Cooper: Last of the true American folk heros.
Holden Caulfield: For his hatred of narcissists, hypocrites, the superficial and all around phony people.
Jay Gatsby
Dart Man: He never killed anyone, just stuck them in the ass with a dart.
Kaw-Li-ga: A poor old wooden Indian.
Arnold
Luther: A true mutant who stole from Arlo and I.
Guy at the bar formally known as Smithfields
Joanna of Doc’s
Tara of Filthy’s: Always had a smile on her face and our PBRs on the bar.
Rainy of Julep

Musicians:
Jerry Jeff Walker
Robert Earl Keen
John Prine
Todd Snider
Lyle Lovett
Johnny Cash, especially during his hardcore drinking and drugging years.
Willie Nelson
Buckwheat Zydeco
Tré Cool
Hank 3/Tricephus/Shelton

The Buckwheat Zydeco Chronicles

These are a couple of actual letters that I sent to Mr. Buckwheat Zydeco.
Incidently, I was able to get a reply from his cronies. I thought you might enjoy reading them.

Hugs and kisses
-Sherb

Letter #1

Dear Mr. Buckwheat Zydeco,
I would like to invite you to play at my friend Al’s 30th birthday party. We
are having it at a place called Julep in New York City on November 19th. We
like Julep a lot. The jukebox has one of your CDs. We like to play Hot Tamale
Baby. It’s our favorite. We play it every time we go. One time we played your
entire CD. Do you know Mojo Nixon? They are pretty cool too. But you are
cooler.

We don’t have a lot of money to pay you but we could buy you all the pulled
pork sandwiches you can eat. They make them really good there. They come with
spicy peanuts. We like to order fries too. The jalapeno fritters aren’t good.
Don’t order them.

If you don’t want to, you don’t have to bring your accordion. They have one
there. If you do come, could you wear your crown and cape? We like that outfit
a lot.

We hope to see you at the party. It is going to be a lot of fun. If you can’t make we are going to get tickets to see you in February when you come back to
New York. We can’t wait. We wanted to see you on the Blues Cruise but I get
sea sick and throw up when I’m on a boat.

If you do come to play at the party, you don’t have to play the whole time.
Maybe just play three songs. Definitely play Hot Tamale Baby. We want you to
have fun there too.

Your biggest fans,
Sherb and Al

Letter #2

Dear Mr. Zydeco,
It’s me Sherb again. Sorry I haven’t emailed you for a while. Al and I really enjoyed your last show in New York in February. I made a t-shirt to wear at the show with your picture on it. Now everyone knows that I’m your biggest fan. Did you see Al and I there? We danced a lot. The show was really good. You must have been pretty busy with two shows in one night. We would like to go see other Zydeco concerts (don’t worry, you are still our favorite). We like Clifton Chenier but he is dead. Do you have any suggestions?

We are going to come to your show on May 31 at Irving Plaza. It used to be on June 1 but they changed it. If you are free on June 1 maybe we can take you out? Julep closed but we have other places to take you to. You can bring your band. They were really good too. I liked the guy with the washboard. Al says it is called a Frattoir. Do you eat hot dogs? If you can’t come out, maybe we can meet you at the show and say hi. Maybe you could sign my Buckwheat shirt? I have Wesley Willis’ autograph. He is a 300 pound man with Schizophrenia. He plays music too. He died so he doesn’t play music anymore.

Okay. I’m going to go now. See you at the show.

Your #1 Buckwheat Zydeco fan,
Sherb

Is it cheese or is it art?

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
-Hunter S. Thompson

I just stapled Loraine's cheese to the wall. The office will never be the same.

Starbucks is the Antichrist....

....and that bitch of a mermaid is the first horseman of the apocalypse*. How I would have loved to see her end up on a bed of ice at the old Fulton Street Fish Market. I've got to go and paint my hallway so I'll get right to the heart of it. It's small, medium and large people! Sorry, I forgot my Starbucks to English dictionary at home. At six feet two, I'm tall. A cup of coffee just isn't.

Therefore, sometime in mid-July I'm going to stage a protest outside of the Astor Place Starbucks here in NYC. To me that place is the nexus of the Starbucks universe. Did you realize there are three, yes three, Starbucks within like 300 feet of eachother? Anyway, I plan on having a little picket sign and a petition for customers sign if they want them to start using S,M and L. Actually, I couldn't give a crap-a-chino, I just feel like having a little fun this summer.

If you're interested in joining the picket line, or just coming to watch, let me know. I'll make sure you get the details on the date and time, which will also be posted here on Sherb Land. I've even got a videographer to film this little social experiment for posterity. Plus we can use the tape as evidence when the Starbucks hoods try and beat on us like something out of the 1999 WTO meeting in Seattle. Bring your own gas mask.

*By the way, I am serious about her being the first horseman of the apocalypse. The rider of the white horse is said to wear a crown (just like that smelly Starbucks fish) and represent the Antichrist.

"And I saw . . . a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer." Yup, conquering every block to bring you a soy mocha-frappa-whappa-choco-chino.

Hugs and kisses,
-Sherb

Face of the Warrior Poet

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
-Hunter S. Thompson

So what exactly is a Warrior Poet? Good question. Damned if I really know....Part attention whore, part entertainer, part sideshow act....100% original.

Maybe I'm more of an artist? Insomnia and insanity my muses and the streets of the Lower East Side of New York my canvas. Like I said, who really knows.