The Good Doctor

. . . and so today, February 20, 2009, four years since the passing of Hunter, I sit at my desk and reflect, what has it all meant for me? Why is Dr. Hunter S. Thompson the North on my moral and spiritual compass? Why this unquenchable thirst to read and watch everything that he and those close to him have written and filmed?

I bought the ticket and I’ve taken the ride, learning from his mistakes and living by his words.
He is something far greater than the drug addled protagonist in the Vegas movie but if that’s all you know of him, then you’ve missed the mark. He gave a voice to those who were just a little off center from the rest of society. He taught you to do your own thing, to be yourself and to dare to be different. To ask questions and to never just take Their word for it. That you can be a patriot without having to tow the party line. That it’s okay to fight for the underdog and take the unpopular stance. But most of all, to laugh, to love and to live every second of you life.

“At the top of the mountain, we are all snow leopards.”
-HST

Things that make my head hurt, part xxiv

If a male doctor specializes in gynecology, is he a guy-necologist?

Jesus Doesn't want me for a sunbeam.....

.....and when I'm done with this, Buddha probably isn't going to want me as one either.


Jesus doesn’t like me very much. Probably something about me calling him, “just another stupid super hero.” I don’t know. What if Jesus could fly? That would be cool. He certainly would have been better suited to spread the good word. His apostles, or the J-12 as I like to call them, would each have a unique super power too. Here are a couple ideas I have:

Peter could be a shape shifter. “Peter form the shape of Simon.”
John would have x-ray vision and would wear really cool Ray Bans.
Matt, he would have poon power so that he could score with any lady he wanted.
Hmmmm. Judas, I'd give hime the power to become a back stabbing prick.

You want to know what the best part is? Okay, I'll tell you. If ever the Romans went ape shit J.C. and J-12 would form together into a giant lion, just like Voltron. Then they would eat all the Christians and go out for hot dogs after.

I think Jesus should have come up with something better to represent his body than Triscuits. Does the church still give out wafers during Passover? Chametz? After all, Jesus was a Jew, I don’t think he’d turn his back on his pal Chuck Heston, that fucked packed some heat.

If Kate Moss took communion, would she have to eat a Waifer?

Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies would be a good replacement. People like Girl Scout cookies, except they cost too much. At $3.50 Who do those whorish little bitches think they are? They’d better be laced with LSD at that price. But hey, what a great way to get people into church. Yeah, I'll confess if it means I can have a free cookie.

Do you think back in biblical times they were all kinky and shit? Did they role play? "Oh Pharaoh, make me your slave!" "Come work on my pyramid." That's probably where the Passover plagues came from, biblical STDs. Imagine that, some guy with a locust on his pecker and boils on her va-jay-jay.

Well, that's enough, I'm going home. Like I said, Jesus don't want me.

Un-natural History Museum

Some of Sherb's thoughs while visiting the museum in May.

On geology and senior citizens:
"Why does the planet earth room smell like old people?"

On the cost saving benefits of pollution:
"You see, big industry releases CO2 into the atmosphere where it contributes to global warming. In turn, that diminishes the need to heat our homes thus reducing our dependence on costly home heating oil."

On Environmental Conservation:
"They're on the endangered species list because they taste so delicious."

On lunar displays and pop-culture:
"I'm pretty sure it's a model of the Death Star."


For the record, strangers did hear what I was saying, I made sure of that. And no, they didn't think it was very funny.

You'll have to excuse me now, it's the first Thursday in June and I've got to go and get my drink on.

Sherb's thought of the day.

Shouldn’t it be Fiber Two?
I don’t eat the stuff so I can take a wizz.

Send in the troops!

General Mills
General Motors
General Tso (foreign exchange general)
General Electric
General Hospital
Colonel Sanders
Colonel Mustard
Captain Morgan
Captain Crunch

Sherbviticus

The 23rd Sherb

1 Sherb is my shepherd, I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in his bed; He leads me to dive bars.

3 He refills my drink; He guides me in the path of debauchery For His name’s sake.

4 Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Sherb art with me; His aviators and His pimp cane, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a barstool before me in the presence of drunkards; You have anointed my head with PBR; My tequila shot overflows.

6 Surely goodness and Wild Turkey will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in Sherb Land forever.